Alex’s Great Trek


6/18/16

I must admit that I have been quite jealous these past years of all my friends and acquaintances living so large on Facebook, with all your worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales.

But, if you can’t beat ’em, JOIN ‘EM!

So from now on, ALEX is going to live large, TOO! I will have my OWN adventures, weekly, with bucket list firm in hand… And Alex’s Great Trek has BEGUN!

I just scaled Everest.
(Take THAT, bitches!!)

Alex's Great Trek - Everest

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6/25/16

Alex’s Great Trek continues…

For those not on board, yet, Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families, all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO… And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

Last week, Alex started his (bucket list-inspired) trek out light, by scaling Everest. (Bitches!)

Now that THAT’s out of the way, what did Alex do THIS week??

NASA called me up to serve.

They needed my help putting a new wing on the International Space Station.
(Brexit doesn’t look so bad from up here, bitches!)

Alex's Great Trek - ISS

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7/2/16

Hey! Let’s check in on Alex Great Trek!

For those of you just joining us, Alex got tired of just laying around stoopid on the couch while checking Facebook every thirty seconds to watch, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families, all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex started living large, TOO!

And shoving it… IN YOUR FACE!!!

Alex started his (bucket list-inspired) trek out light, by scaling Everest. (Bitches!) Then, NASA called him up to serve. (Affixing a new wing to the International Space Station… bitches!)

But what could Alex POSSIBLY have been doing THIS week??

Eh, I figured I’d take it easy and decompress, just relax, by spending a little time with my perfect, BEAUTIFUL, intact family…

We just returned in the family jet from lunch over in Tokyo, fresh sushi. (I had the puffer fish.)

Oh! Have you met my full bred Australian Shepherds… Dimon and Greenspan?
(Kinda makes your family look like a pile of puke, eh??)

Family with HondaJet

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7/9/16

And now, we return to… Alex’s Great Trek!
(Already in progress…)

Recap: Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families, all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

My Facebook friends (a.k.a., bitches), I believe I may have been a little hard on you these past few posts. So, this week I figured I’d be gracious and strike a more conciliatory tone in relaying to you the exploits of my truly more-awesome-than-yours life. After all, Alex does understand that your lesser status is by NO means your fault! (It’s simply genetics.)

And so, I humbly submit to you, today, another check off the ‘ol bucket list…

With all the depressing gun violence rocking the U.S. this week, I had a hankering to get out of the country and let off a little steam.

So, I’m out in Zimbabwe picking up dinner; and a new rug for my dentist’s office.
(Feel free to comment with your therapy bills, bitches!)

alexs great trek - dentist hunt 3
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7/16/16

This week in… Alex’s Great Trek!

For the ignorant among you, Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

I got the call from Obama; Seal Team Six failed! So, he enlisted me and Rambone to chute in to go cut the head off the snake.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and ISIS… HERE WE COME! THIS is for NICE, ASSHOLES!!

Don’t look for it in the news, though; it’s a black op. (And we had to chute in somewhere classified, and snowy.) But rest assured 72 virgins await Alex!

(Oh, have they caught you playing Solitaire in your cubicle, yet… bitches!)

AAGT Seal 6 - 1
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7/23/16

And now we return to… Alex’s Great Trek!

If just joining us, bitch, Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

After several weeks of adventure – the likes of which you bitches could only dream of, and watching WAY too much of the Republican National Convention – while witnessing Donald J. Trump plagiarize my ENTIRE (classified) speech to the U.N., Alex decided he needed a little rejuvenation…

So, I enlisted my buddy Dale to hold my stuff while I went hunting for the Fountain of Youth… FOUND IT!!! (And a new, loving daddy.)

I feel just like a little girrrl, bitches!

USE!!! dale5 he dipped me in fountain youth lake n alaska

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7/30/16

Now, it’s time for… Alex’s Great Trek!

Preamble: Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

BELIEVE ME, after watching WAY too much of the disaster, THE DISASTER, that was the Democratic National Convention this week, Putin and I had no choice, NO CHOICE, but to take action!

100%!

And so, Putin and I called upon our comrades at the Russian G.R.U. to hack Congress’ schedule and bring them back from recess, where… I, ALEX J. SACK, AMENDED the CONSTITUTION of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA!!

ARTICLE TWO has been REPEALED, FOLKS! And the Republicans have rewarded YOU, the American people, MIGHTILY, by installing ME, ALEX J. SACK, as YOUR NEW DICTAT, er… PRESIDENT!!!

BELIEVE ME, we HAD TO DO IT! I could not just sit by and watch you, the American people, WASTE your hard earned, YOUR HARD EARNED, tax payer dollars on the DISGRACEFUL election they had planned for this November! (THIS I can tell you, folks! THIS I can tell you!) NOT WHEN it was SO TOTALLY and COMPLETELY obvious that I, ALEX J. SACK, was going to WIN, and WIN… BIG LEAGUE!!!

You are welcome.

(Now, sing it with me, bitches… Hail to the chief!)

Alex's Great Trek PS - Trump

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8/6/16

Now, let’s check in on… Alex’s Great Trek!

In a galaxy far, faaaar across the Pacific: Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

What did our hero Alex do this week?

I’m fuckin’ Ultraman!

‘Nuff said.

(What did you do with YOUR week? Go mountain biking? Heh, heh! Isn’t that cute… bitches.)

Alex's Great Trek PS - Ultraman7
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8/13/16

It’s time for… Alex’s Great Trek!

In a world of losers: Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

How did Alex spend HIS week??

Down in Rio…

WINNING RECORD OLYMPIC GOLD… BITCHES!!!

(Oh, you were coaching in your tweenie’s youth soccer league? And precious scored a goal?? HA!!)

Olpympics Gold - Alex's Great Trek PS2
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8/20/16

Let’s check in on… Alex’s Great Trek!

The Rules: Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

After weeks of world class trekking, Alex decided to take it easy this week and just relax in the backyard with some light gardening. When lo and behold…

Guinness showed up to award Alex the record for the WORLD’S MOST AWESOME TOMATOES!!! (1st Prize, bitches!)

white guy 1st place 2(Suck it, R. Chris Troy!)

And then, in a gesture of saintliness that would make Mother Teresa shit her pants, Alex went off to India to feed the poor!!

garden1india sit2
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8/27/16

Now, it’s time for… Alex’s Great Trek!

Bitches’ last rights: Alex got sick of just laying around idle on the couch while checking Facebook to witness, dumbfounded, as all his friends were living so large with their worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating impossibly exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales. So, Alex decided to live large, TOO…

And shove it IN YOUR FACE!!!

It makes no sense… NO sense! Just because I called for Putin to hack Crooked Hillary. (Who, by the way, has done nothing for the blacks! NOTHING!) Yes, just because I asked my friend (Don’t we want good relations with Russia? Don’t we??) to fix the U.S. election… the LEFTIES in the LYIN’ MEDIA have accused ME of being an agent of the FSB! (Can you imagine, folks???)

Well, to PROVE THEM ALLLL WRONG, I, Alex J. Sack, have just OUTLAWED RUSSIA!!

AND WE BEGAN BOMBING IN TEN MINUTES!!!

(WOOOOOOOOOOO-HHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!)

Alex's Great Trek - Outlaw Russia
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9/3/16

Now, back to… Alex’s Great Trek!

So, I hear some of you friends have been fishing for minnows in exotic places, or wherever. (Snicker, snicker.)

Well this week, Alex went on a little fishing excursion of his own…

I CAUGHT JAWS!!!!

(Any you bitches up for some shark fin soup??)

jaws4 - agt
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9/10/16

It’s that time, bitches… Alex’s Great Trek!

While you were all off (heh, heh) kayaking and hiking this week, your Great Leader had a bit more important things to do, like…

WORLD DOMINATION!!!

(How do y’all “friends” like my BOOM-BOOM toys???)

agt-kim-jong-sack

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9/17/16

Eternally, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

You all may have been wondering these past weeks how I have risen from the couch, transcendent, achieving superhuman feats and extra-Facebook exploits. Well…

I’m fuckin’ JESUS!

And I’ve GOT A GUN!!

My faithful bitches, seek NOT riches in your beautiful families, lush retirements and exotic worldly adventures…

SEEK THEM IN MINE!!!

For I, ALEX, bring you MERCY, and now GUNS, to your wretched FB lives! Yes, the righteous ALEX has sacrificed life and limb to scale Everest, explore space, jet over to Japan for some sushi – with my beautiful family, grown kickass tomatoes and blown up Jaws! So that YOU, my bitches, may find everlasting AMMUNITION against TYRANNY and BOREDOM!

TAKE UP ARMS!! Find HAPPINESS and ETERNAL PEACE in the way… MY WAY!

Blessed be the bitches who have EARS to hear, and GUNS to shoot!! Or be stricken from the Book of Life, as you and your “beautiful” families PLUNGE into DARKNESS, DAMNATION and the very depths of HELL! The PATH awaits…

In the name of SALVATION, BELIEVETH! SAVE your LOST and WICKED souls!!

LOAD and LOCK for JESUS!!! (Er, ALEX!)

(From my cold, dead hands, “friends.” From my COLD… DEAD… HANDS!!)

jesus-ascension-agt

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9/24/16

This week, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

JESUS! Who knew being God was such a pain in the wrists, and ankles!!
(I guess I, the AlexMighty, did.)

I’ll let you “friends” in on a little secret: It gets old when everyone’s always out to crucify you, and SIMPLY because Alex wants all you sinners SHOT in His name! That aside, there were just too many bitches calling out, “Oh, God! Oh, God!!” all the time.

So, Alex decided to come down a notch… and just be a quarterback in the NFL this week.
(Well, TWO notches; a bad NFL quarterback.)

How’s THAT for humility! Yes, Alex is THE MOST HUMBLE EX-DEITY on this Earth!!

Anyhoo, while you were all out mountain biking with your beautiful families, I had my people to save! (Therz niggaz gittin’ SHOT! ‘N pigz gittin’ PAID!!)

Yup! Back in Frisco, feelin’ pOlitical, ‘n takin’ a STAND!! Er, a knee… fer JUSTICE!!!

(What?? Blackface too un-PC for you, bitches??? Well, then so is JUSTICE!!!)

alex-kapersack2-agt

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10/1/16

Today in… Alex’s Great Trek!

While all you Facebook “friends” were getting stressed out playing soccer mom to your “beautiful” children, Alex was adding yet ANOTHER check to his bucket list…

I got crowned MISSTER UNIVERSE!!!

Yeah, that dork running for President says I’m fat. But you all KNOW you want me!!

(Admit it, bitches!)

machdo-agt1

 

More from Alex’s impossibly sexy portfolio!

Storemags - Free Magazines in PDF | Download Back Issues

And…

machdo-agt3

And best keep a box of tissues close by for THIS one, bitches!!

machdo-agt4

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10/8/16

This week in… Alex’s Great Trek!

Forecast: I must admit that I have been quite jealous these past years of all my friends and acquaintances living so large on Facebook with all your worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families, all eating exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales.

But, if you can’t beat ’em, JOIN ‘EM!

So, ALEX decided to live large, TOO! With his OWN adventures, weekly, with bucket list firm in hand… And watch out!

HURRICANE ALEX is heading TOWARD YOU!!

I had a bad week. So, I decided to cry about it. A lot. And kill some bitches!!!

Yup, Alex has finally transitioned into His natural phenomena phase. And Daddy Nature’s shakin’ off the fleas! (Trump supporters only. I promise.) I just caused BILLIONS in damage… after moving on Florida “LIKE A BITCH!”

(Oh, did they give you a bigger cubicle at work? And a 5% raise?? Ha!! Congrats!)

agt-hurricane-al

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10/15/16

Now, it’s back to… Alex’s Great Trek!

Like a rolling stone, I must admit that I have been quite jealous these past years of all my friends and acquaintances living so large on Facebook, with all your worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales.

But, if you can’t beat ’em, BLOW ‘EM IN THE WIND!

Alex just WON the NOBEL in SUPER-UNATTAINABLE-AWESOMENESS for the Alex’s Great Trek series!!!

(Oh, your kid brought home a soccer trophy? For “trying”? Ha!! Bitches.)

18-dylan-nobel-agt

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10/22/16

This week, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

Mr. Universe had to take a break from all of this incredibly weak news. This political insanity is so girly, and messes with my incredible HUGE biceps!

So, the Sackinator grabbed a nice Brandy, and some pussy, and went down to the beach to pump it all out of the system.

Next, I go to have sex with the Ms. Universe me, and make illegitimate son to hide from the little wifey’s lawyers. (Such puny lawyers!)

(Oh, how’s that diet workin’ out for you, bitches???)

19-agt-sackinator

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10/29/16

This week, welcome to… an All Hallows’ Alex’s Great Trek!

I, Alex LaSacK, author of the Sacktanic Bible, bid you bitches welcome, ALL to…

The Church of LaSacK!

“There is a beast in man that should be exercised, not exorcised.” – Alex LaSacK

Now, kneel before ME, your MASTER!!!

(Yeah, this is my everyday dress. For my Facebook “friends”? Costumes optional!)

20-agt-lasack3

 

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11/5/16

And now, we return to… Alex’s Great Trek!

For those bitches just tuning in: Alex had grown quite jealous over these past years of all you “friends” living so large on Facebook, with all your worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales.

Well, if you can’t beat ’em, JOIN ‘EM!

So now, ALEX has been living large, TOO! With His OWN weekly adventures! Bucket list BEWARE… Alex’s Great Trek is IN PROCESS!

HA!! You bourgeoisie American PIGS! Here, I, Alex the Impaler, have your silly “election” in my feedbag! Your LOSER democratic experiment is now in shambles. And Europe and the West is soon to be MINE!!!

Can you say NATO? Nyet!! How about K-G-B? Da!! Very GOOD American PIG!!

And better to start practicing MORE! A cancer I unleash on your PUNY body politic, my (heh, heh) “comrade” bitches! Trust but verify THIS! You feeble capitalist imbeciles will go down in nuclear flames!!

(And NYET! We will NOT bury you!)

With comrades Assange and Manchurian Presidential Candidate Trump, I, Alex the Impaler, have made civil war with injecting parasitic virus into your corrupt capitalist body politic, to create inbred degenerative self-immolating sociopathic xenophobic narcissistic dissociative reality TV spoiled American brat ignoramus immortality-selfie-Twitter-complex disorder! (Via help of Russian State TV, of course… a.k.a. FOX NEWS!!)

Ah! look!! I can see Dale McFarline and his beautiful family from my house! (Which will very soon be MINE! Bitches!! ALL MINE!!!)

21-putin-agt-2

 

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11/12/16

And now, likely the last… Alex’s Great Trek!

Canada???

Try MARS, bitches!!

(With some bitches, of course.)

Have fun with your “President” Trump! I’M OUTTA HERE!!!

(All you Facebook “friends” who are living so large with all your worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families all eating exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales… you just have fun before those flames come to engulf YOU and YOURS!! HA! HA!! HA!!!)

alexs-great-trek-marsraker2

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11/19/16 (Repealed: Too harsh right now…)

This week, in… Alex’s Great Trek!
Alex has grown weary of all you large living “friends” bitching and moaning JUST because your worldly adventures, lush retirements, and perfect beautiful families (all eating exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales) are about to come to an abrupt and fiery end!!
With all of this politics running rabid on Facebook, I just needed to get out and clear my mind, escape it all, out in nature with the daisies…

But, for those amongst you STILL whining about the loss of your precious Hillary, we’re going to Make America Great Again! (Can you say “Goldwater,” bitches???)

24-agt-nuclear-girl2
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11/19/16
I realize that most of you “friends” are hurting since I, Kali J. Sack, WON the Universe!!! (LLLLoOOoOSSsSeeRRrrSSS!)
But, let it be said that Kali J. SacK is NOT without mercy!
No, this week in… Alex’s Great Trek, I will leave you with one POSITIVE mantra of hope…
“I DESTROY TO CREATE!” – Kali J. SacK
(Bitches!)
23-agt-kali-3

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This week, it’s the… Alex’s Great Trek Holiday Special!!!

Starring

Alex

With special guest appearance by

Miss Sarah Palin

Hope all you “friends” and acquaintances had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! And really lived large with your perfect beautiful families all eating some exotic worldly version of pumpkin pie somewhere out in some exotic lodge by some fucking impossibly beautiful lake up in Alaska!
Oh! Alaska???
Why, that’s where I happen to be RIGHT NOW!!
And on TELEVISION!!!
(Jealous much??)
I’m getting your Christmas turkeys ready NOW, and making sure that America will be GREAT this holiday season… with the help of our NEW Secretary of the Interior, Sarah Palin!
(Now, me and the Secretary are headed back to my cabin to DRILL, BITCHES!! DRILL!!!)
25-palin-turkey5

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12/3/16

This week in… Alex’s Great Trek!

Well, he’s gone and done it now! My old friend and former band mate Geoff Reecer just backed up Kelly Clarkson, Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, Marc Anthony and James Taylor at the National Christmas Tree lighting at the White House! (Snicker, snicker.) Isn’t that cute?

In other news, my new band just got out of the studio recording an album. We start out on a world tour to back it up in the new year!

These guys heard about Sacko’s HUGE drumming skills and just HAD to get the band back together! Turns out a couple of ’em faked their death to escape some kind of previous fame. Said they were off doing Transcendental Meditation with the Maharishi (also a faker) in some gold Rolls Royce off on some private island in the Pacific somewhere.

Well, I guess Geoff does play guitar SORTA okay. (Maybe my new band will let the bitch open for us…)
agt-beatles3-4

 

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12/10/16

This week, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

While all you poor saps were off slaving in some God-forsaken cubicle, or driving your kids to their “participation” award ceremonies, Alex had more IMPORTANT things to do, like…

I just mediated a Middle East PEACE ACCORD! And, it’s to be signed in time for Christmas!! (Ho, ho, hum.)

Yeah, that’s my present to all you “friends.” (You’re welcome.)

Oddly, I ran into a Trump rally in the desert. And I took care of that, too.
(Consider that your stocking stuffer, bitches!)

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12/24/16

Twas the Alex’s Great Trek before Christmas, and all through Facebook
Every bitch “friend” was hanging, virtual stockings on virtual hooks…

The beautiful wives and beautiful children a-glowing, all with exotic holiday cheer
Why even the roast beast is some damn Thai version of Muntjac basil roast deer!

Whilst unbeknownst to each of you bitches, nestled safely as you sleep
Are all your new BMWs, and new Audis, and your new 16-year-old’s Jeep!

And all your zinger-doodle iPhone 7s, and your clacker-doodley Xboxeses
The latest butler shit from Amazon, and your rare blood-diamond pet rockseses

Whilst you slept these schticks have been tucked away, WAY away, SAFELY in my SACK
From your precious little blonde Allison’s to your precious straight-A Olympian boy, Zack’s!

Yes, your snickerfizzle doodaddles are all stealt away, with Trekker hum-BUG and Trekker JEER
Stealt away in the night, right, YES… for The SACK has been HERE!

But alas! As The Sack whisked off, his mangy cat PULLING his sleigh
Some strange stupid shit happened, that made his heart grow one hundred thousand, plus three quarters and TWO and a third SIZES Christmas Day!

They say maybe it was Jesus’ spirit, or a holiday tainted chimney flue
But whatever it was The Sack turned back, on his hum-bug jeering, to wish all of YOU…

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
(Bitches.)

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12/31/16

This year, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

The Alex Baby New Year wants to bring HOPE to all you poor bitches. HOPE that DESPITE all of your conspicuous consumption, lush retirements, exotic worldly vacations and perfect beautiful families, that you and yours will escape the nuclear holocaust IMMINENT in the New Year!

BUT! If you do soon find the flesh inexplicably melting off you and yours bones, Alex wishes that all you “friends” keep HEART! Yes, HEART! In the knowledge that from death comes LIFE! And THIS is the HOPE that we can ALL live LARGE knowing!

Hmm. Then again, with respect to living LARGE… I guess nuclear annihilation IS the GREAT EQUALIZER!

DIE in 2017, BITCHES!!!
(And, Happy New Year!)

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1/7/17

This year, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

The newly enlightened Great Alex thinks that maybe, just MAYBE, the last year has seen Him a smidge too dark with all of His friends and acquaintances who are living so large on Facebook, with all your worldly adventures, lush retirements and perfect beautiful families. (And yes, all eating exotic foods and in impossibly exotic locales.)

And so, with the IMMEASURABLE admiration of these foxy babes, the Great Alex meditated upon this… And He came to the realization that maybe, just MAYBE, He should be a little more appreciative, neigh, GRACEFUL in His dealings with all you bitches in 2017. (Lest you mistake the Great Alex for harboring some kind of inferiority complex.)

After all, you ARE only human!

Yes, in this new year, the Great Alex shall Sackrifice His escape into Nirvana FOR THE BENEFIT of ALL of FACEBOOK! And in so doing, He shall attain levels of Perfection that NONE of you could ever, never, NEVER EVER hope to attain within a THOUSAND MILLION rebirths! This, in the hopes (heh, heh) that one (far, far off, DISTANT) day you too may follow, and achieve like Greatness…

Namaste’
(Bitches!)

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1/14/17

This week, in Alex’s Great Trek…

In these trying times, I think we need a little art in our life. So, I took a couple minutes out of this past week and decided to become a world famous artist.

(I know, I know “friends.” But seriously, jealousy does NOT become you!)

Anyway, just sold this one to Yoko Ono… FOR $69 MILLION!!!

HOPE it brings a little thought-provoking LIGHT (to the worlds of all you sorry bitches.)

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1/21/17

The next four years, or imminent impeachment, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

I must admit that I have been quite jealous these past years of all my friends and acquaintances living so… Ah, fuck it.

Like I’ve always said, “If you can’t beat ’em, JOIN ‘EM!”

SIEG SACK!!!
(Bitches.)

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1/28/17

Now, back to… Alex’s Great Trek!

No longer is the great SACK jealous of all his Facebook friends, who are all living so exotic and LARGE. After all, I am the HUGE one NOW!

I just signed an executive order to DEPORT all you TERRORIST HATERS!!!

Cause I am the PRECEDENT!!
(Deel with it, biches!!!)

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2/4/17

This week in… Alex’s Great Trek!

I kinda like being King. Think I’ll just go with THIS livin’ LARGE for a while! I mean, I can just SMELL the jealousy comin’ off of all you Facebook friends!

Even over the tax payer-funded steak I was eating at the dinner table the other night, when I waved my hand reaching for the potatoes and ordered that HUGELY successful Yemeni strike!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

And DON’T you believe the lügenpresse! So WHAT if some Navy Seal died while we took out a bunch of kids… We GOT the Al Qaeda cell phone with the nudie pics on it!

Anyhoo, NOW, with the help of a GREAT American, Wayne LaPierre – and his NRA, I just signed my 19th executive order in TWO WEEKS!!

I, Alex J. Trump, hereby conscript an army of mentally ill to separate OUT ALL of the brown M&M’s! (This was a rider in my contract when I was sworn in as Dictat… er, President!)

(Just don’ worry ’bout it, snowflake bitches! I got Betsy DeVos managing their finances…)

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2/11/17

This week, in… Alexa’s Great Trek!

Eh, being the Great Dicktator was gettin’ kinda old. Everybody’s so MEAN to you! And they treat your daughter’s products like shit! VERY UNFAIR!! (Er, so to speak.)

So, this week ‘ol Alexa decided to trek back to her roots, and take a HUGE, nay… LARGE livin’ and EXOTIC vaca! One that will make all you “friends” shit yourself with jealousy!

Me and my new (recently freed up) hubby Brad Pitt were the only people on the beach yesterday. When suddenly, an old pickup truck pulled up and stopped about 30 yards away from our chaise lounges. There were signs on the truck, but of course, me and Brad couldn’t read them.

Turns out they were making piña coladas EXCLUSIVELY for the rich and famous! And for FREE!! Of course, I ordered one. And the guy, Juan, used his machete to break open the coconut… and then the pineapple! And after adding the Bacardi 151, Juan started up his truck to run the blender! Then mi amigo, Juan, delivered it RIGHT to me THEN and THERE ON THE BEACH!!!

Yeah, life is good… ? — El Dorado Ranch, San Felipe, B.C..

(Anyway, why am I wasting my time posting to you all? Back to my piña colada, BITCHES!)

* – photo credit Brad Pitt.

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2/18/17

It’s been a SAD week for… Alex’s Great Trek!

All you JEALOUS “friends” took me away from my exotic vacation, with my beautiful family, Brad Pitt. And you forced me, FORCED me back into trekking Herr Führer of the free world!

I WON already! And Hillary LOST!! Can’t I just go back to what I was doing, already!?

What!? You want to me to meet with the blacks? NO! I’m NOT anti-Semitic! It’s the TOTALLY DISHONEST lügenpresse who calls me RACIST! ALL fake news! Jail the LYING LEAKERS!!

I LOVE the Russians!! AND their spy boats off our coast! (AND their AMAZING leaking hookers!) WHY can’t we ALL just GET ALONG?!? Come on, people! I got HUGE money on this thing! Er, NO, I DON’T!!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m a busy man! My new Mar-a-Lago members, who by the way just paid DOUBLE for their new membership fees, are ALL waiting in the dining hall to get selfies with me ordering a SEAL strike on some Muslim kids!

And the foie gras is getting COLD, bitches!!!

* – photo credit Brad Pitt.

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2/25/17

This Universe, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

Some “friends” have recently accused me of believing that everything revolves around me.

Well, you bitches are right!!!

I had to leave our solar system get off world for a bit, for a Sackrificial vaca, lest my brilliance blind the Earth and all of you poor saps on it! Alas, *SIGH*, I’ve been relentlessly, RELENTLESSLY sought out and discovered…

“Around 40 light-years away, seven Earth-sized planets have been spotted orbiting closely around a small, ULTRA-COOL star. It’s one of the largest solar systems that’s ever been discovered outside of our own, and it’s a particularly enticing find in the ongoing search for the extraterrestrial Sack.” – Popular Science

Yes, the SACKKIST-1 has been discovered. But STOP calling me “alien life.” I know I’m superhuman and all, super exotic and super LARGE livin! But, really folks. Hyperbole much??? I expect more from the entirety of the Earth’s scientific community. But, I guess this is to be expected. I AM pretty cool. ULTRA-cool, actually!!!

(STILL, can’t a star get some R&R… bitches!)

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3/4/17

This election season, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

Alex J. Sack got tired of being leader of the free world (again) and dealing with all of the SAD, lying LIARS in the lügenpresse. Coincidentally, my comrades in the Republican Party needed my help elsewhere… with running to smack down those disonest traitors in congress!

So, seeing as I reside in the un-American stronghold otherwise known as San Franpsycho, the KG, er… my boys in the GOP have enlisted me to run against that bitch Rep. Nancy Pelosi!

But, these questions on the form get harder as they go. And Alex J. Sack don’t reed or right to good. Alas, the huge Sack needs all your bitches help with answering one of the harder questions on this form.

In Section III – Question 19, right above the request for my credit card information, you’ll find a REAL head scratcher! Advise, bitches!!!

“19.) Should Barack Hussein Obama be executed by firing squad for his treasonous Kenyan existence, or hung by noose until dead on the White House lawn?”

 

*P.S. – Paul Randall, I think I finally received the receipt for your Christmas present donation.

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3/11/17

This week, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

Well, thanks to all of your “friends” votes – and with the unimpeachable help of Putin, Comey and the voter suppression efforts of the GOP – I, Alex J. Sack, in this communist bastion of San Fran-psycho, no less…. has BEATEN THAT BITCH NANCY PELOSI!!!

I WIN!!!!!!!!

And now, I am Speaker of the House! And I just unleashed my GOP death panel health plan on, er.. FOR all of you bitches!!!

We call it: Alex’s Scam Health Execution Scheme. Or, if you prefer – A.S.H.E.S.

(Get $5 off all your (or your children’s) cancer treatments with presentation of this Alex’s Great Trek at an Emergency Room near you!)

Disclaimer: Burial entitlements not covered by coupon. Cremation is cheaper.

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3/18/17

This week, in… Alex’s Great Trek!

Someone’s been trying to fuck with das Great Sack! OBVIOUSLY, they’re just JEALOUS of all my LUSH golf vacations I’ve been flying to, weekly, down in Florida… with my BEAUTIFUL family! AND all the EXOTIC food I’ve been eating of late, BIGLY! (Thanks for the funds, BITC-! Er, TAXPAYERS!!)

Anyway, I got some people in the Deep State who (along with the help of Twitter, of course) are rooting out the culprit, as we speak!

And he don’t LOOK like you and me, friends!

SOMEONE’s about to get DEPORTED! Can you say: Happy meal, with a coke… and extra I.C.E.!!!

Better yet, I got a little vaca spot down in Cuba where my purple “friend” can try out a new little menu item that we REAL Americans call… the McWaterboard!!

(And a LOT worse! BELIEVE ME, bitches!!!)

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3/25/17

This week in, Alex’s Great Trek!
I guess I am humbled by all you large living bitches! With all of your lush, socialist health “care” and your God forsaken protests.
Well, sorta. It’s time to let your precious Obamacare fail, MISERABLY, with the Sack goin’ on a little rampage…
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4/1/17

This week, in… Alex’s Gre-

Ah, fuck it. Screw ALL of you “friends” with your large living, lush retirements, perfect beautiful families, exotic vacations and foods.

Shit on this trek has gotten WAY too weird.

Goin’ home.

I’m OUTTA here!!! (Bitches.)

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